I experienced hunger, beating head with a frying pan, just beating till partial memory loss, etc. Most of my attempts to speak were shut (sometimes literally closing my mouth). I was put into almost insolvable moral dilemmas.
Sometimes it caused me to go mad. After the hits my spiritual condition degraded: I pray less, I don’t feel peace, I don’t feel love, people no more fall of Holy Spirit when I flap a hand toward them, I don’t make wonders anymore, etc. (One may wonder how the spiritual conditions may degrade from a frying pan. My explanation: A human is just the brain, the soul is a backup copy of the brain in the heaven. Anyway I will be restored from the backup and love again, even if I die and even as it actually happened I die by parts.)
And the world lost a few trillion dollars because I am a math genius (here is my discovery) and the frying pan, missing paper, and other similar factors disturbed my work.
I questioned: Why has God allowed this? This looks like a nonsense. It is ineffective to beat a child with a frying pan.
Now I have an explanation: It was a very effective way to cause a big money loss and legal debt of trillions dollars to one man. If you’d want to cause a money loss, just to beat a genius with a frying pan, deprive him of food, etc. You probably can’t invent a better way.
But why God wanted to cause a money loss and legal debt? Even if I manage to successfully sue it in a court, the world cannot give me the compensation. This yet seems meaningless.
Now it seems I know the answer: It is that people and angels to understand the meaning of sacrifice (like the sacrifice of Jesus, my Lord): I realized that if the process succeeds (now I am not reasoning whether it can succeed in this particular case of this world history), then it could probably cause for example a nuclear way and me would be better to die not to cause even bigger loss.
Now it seems that I see the reason why Jesus died: He worked very effectively (because He is God). People all time disturbed him causing a giant loss. The loss was indebted not only to Jesus himself but also to others influenced by Him. So if He continued to live, it would mean that the world would be at a war as people became indebted to each other. To prevent the war, He eliminated the legal case by death of the victim.
The mystery solved!
- I am considering the option of sacrificing myself
- Should I abandon the gospel for a trillion dollars?
- I think that the purpose is attained